Wednesday, May 02, 2007
THE PAST
had so much trouble just trying to fall asleep yesterday, and indulge in my dreams, for it is in my dreams, i find my 'reality'. Dreams have never been less real, throwing me out of bed, screaming, tearing, soaked in (cold) sweat, what's wrong?
the whole night yesterday, i was reading blogs. old blogs, mine and hers, which dates from '03. it was like brushing cobwebs and dust off the archives. memories, i wish i could erase at the click of 'delete'. mutual friends that tried to bind us together, through our grey gloomy patches, people who soured our relationship with rumours and gossips, and moments we wish to return, or keep forever, but forever was never long enough. Love, it encompasses. HATE too.
Every time, rounds and rounds of soul-searching made me ponder who was wrong, what went wrong. it didn't matter, really. it just makes me feel better. maybe im a sore loser (i hate to lose), im green-eyed she's the prom queen - no im not proud. it belittles me. like i was never good enough for her. maybe YES. but well, i too wish i could get into the singapore soccer team, or be the singapore idol, win the dance floor or just win some wadafuk grad. these are the unachievables, the impossibles. Think of me preposterous, ridiculous - i don't gif a fuk.
Forgive me when my inferior complex picks up. For after all these rants, ill be alright, honestly. Tonnes of self-improvement i reckon on, to understand 'the game (of love)', to be a (better) man. but everyday, i lose myself a lil' more.
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im fine now. consolation nevertheless helpful.
当你不在联络我，你就会找到你要的幸福。-SHE
User blogged at
10:42 PM
10:42 PM